Miranda Smythe was yelling something from on top of the bar.
"Oh, she sounds serious, don't she?" Captain Esmeralda Corsair observed while calmly taking a sip of her drink.
"Who? Miranda? Eh!" Matilda Wormwood, another pyrate captain, dismissed.
It was at this point Miranda Smythe, owner of the Flying Jib, a bar for the more colorful sea witches and wizards, threw a broken bottle at the head of one of the patrons. Moments later, Captain Esmeralda and Captain Matilda found themselves outside of the little bar and on the streets of wizarding London. Drinks still in hand.
"Blimey! That place clear'd out din it?" said Matilda as she checked over her person.
"Lose somethin'?" inquired Esmeralda, straightening her large hat.
"Naw, found it!" Matilda pulled out a neatly crafted eleven-inch elderwood wand. She gripped the python carved handle lightly and flicked it a couple of times, sending silver and blue sparks into the street. "Still works!" she told Esmeralda as she stuffed the wand back into her jacket, the little blue tiger-eye stones that were the python’s eyes shone in the moonlight briefly before it disappeared.
Esmeralda Rose and Matilda Wormwood were regular patrons of the Flying Jib, that is, when they were in England on holiday. When they were pyrating, they called the Seawizard town of Libertalia in Madagascar their home port. Mostly capturing ships in the wizard trade routes out of the Indian Ocean, they made a decent living and acquired a good sum of pyrate treasure, which was buried on many uninhabited islands throughout the world. Miranda Smythe was one of their close friends, as well as a good smuggler. When the pair had a load of stolen goods they often brought it to the bar-keep to sell under the table to witches and wizards who wouldn’t ask a lot of questions. With business done, they’d all grab a good bit of grog at Miranda’s place and all was well, that is until tonight.
The pair was fast becoming the only ones on the street. The other patrons of the Flying Jib had scattered quickly in the direction of the other water front pubs. Captain Esmeralda adjusted an old flea-bitten burgundy long coat with enormous black cuffs that covered her tight little black and red striped cutoff shirt. On her hands were black leather gloves and several gold rings. Around her middle was slug a red sash, holding a pair of black pants that were chopped haphazardly just after the knees. The gashes and tears revealed a pair of black leather boots, each adorned with shiny gold buckles. Esmeralda was a pyrate captain. And if there was any doubt to it, one had only to notice the excessively large belt that held an equally excessive cutlass. Then there was the matter of the creepy seven-inch dagger that never seemed to leave her hand. The steel blade gleamed, as did the ruby pentacle embedded into the bronze hilt. But what was worse, known only to a few, was the five-and-one-half-inch ash wand sheathed inside. Esmeralda smiled and jingled her collection of earrings.
"Oi, mate, what now?"
Matilda squinched her nose in thought and scratched her black and red mask. The mask hid the expression of her eyes as well as had the duel responsibility to hold back an array of tight blonde curls that were usually trying to escape from the head of the young pyrate. She shrugged her shoulders, letting a black opal necklace dance about her neck. The other captain covered herself with a strange material of her own design; it was a sprawling swirl of blues and grays. Water camouflage, she called it. Over the odd shirt she had strapped on a tight black corset with several laces up the back. She used a nicely polished belt to hold up her patchwork gray corduroy cutoffs, revealing only to the trained eye the red and white striped stockings beneath. She kicked at a loose cobblestone in the alley with her heavy black boots and took a swig from her hipflask.
“Find another bar, h’va drink?” she replied, replacing the hipflask to her belt, rattling the collection of skeleton keys that unlocked many, many buried treasure chests that was also attached.
Esmeralda sighed. “But I liked th’ Flyin’ Jib. I’d hate to have to find a new dive, ‘sides we owe it to Miranda to be loyal costumers.” She looked around briefly at the night sky. “It be a lot colder than I remember it.”
“Hang on, I think we’re standing in snow.”
“Snow?” She kicked at the powdery stuff on the cobblestones. “So it is.”
Just then a small hidden door along the side of the tavern clanged open. Out stepped Miranda Smythe. Behind her was a younger girl. She was a good head taller than Miranda, but both sported dirty blonde hair and facial features that seemed oddly similar. Miranda looked down the alleyway opposite the direction of where the pyrate pair were playing with the winter precipitate. She obviously didn’t see them standing, as they were on her eye patch side. She held aloft her thick stubby wand illuminating the corner of the building. Miranda trudged out into the snow in her oversized dark blue wool pants, bundling the black long coat closer around her frame. She swiveled her head back and forth before motioning the girl to follow. The girl was in an inside out black cloak that hastily covered her sailor garb. She had tied around her head a red and white striped bandana that looked like it had seen better days. She followed the tavern owner down the street and out of sight.
Esmeralda turned to Matilda.
“That looked suspicious, din it?”
“Up to no good, I’d say,” Matilda replied.
“Shall we follow?” Esmeralda asked.
“Of course! What better entertainment than shadowing an ill tempered barkeep and her companion?” Matilda said with a smirk.
“None I should think!”
Esmeralda looked around a moment, trying to remember something that seemed important. Matilda mimicked the expression, narrowing her gaze as she looked around as well.
“Ah!” Esmeralda exclaimed.
“What?”
“The rowboat!”
They both smiled.
“Ah yes, the rowboat. Forgot about that. Where did we tie it up?”
“Not far I think.”
Both pyrates walked around haltingly looking around corners, and under windowsills until Matilda kicked some snow off of a mound near the entrance to the Flying Jib.
“Found it, I think.”
“Oh jolly good! Let’s see then.”
The rowboat was buried under some rubbish and a good amount of snow. It took a few minutes to clear the thing and locate the oars. Shabby as always, but the pyrates were pleased. They climbed in and sat both on the middle bench, each taking an oar, Matilda on the right, Esmeralda on the left. Then they sat there. In the rowboat. In the middle of a snow covered cobblestone alleyway.
“Is there something we’re forgetting?” Matilda asked.
“Oh, yes! CAST OFF!” Esmeralda said, activating the charm.
The small rowboat jerked into motion. It rose several feet off the ground, shuttered and remained airborne.
“There now. How lovely!” Esmeralda chirped.
“Quite!” Matilda agreed with a grin.
“Shall we?”
“At yer command, Captain,” Matilda nodded.
“Oh no, at yers, Captain,“ Esmeralda insisted.
“No, I insist. It is yer rowboat.”
“Ah, alright then, STROKE!” Esmeralda consented.
The girls began rowing.
***
“What the bloody hell is she doing down there? They’ve been running all over,” Captain Matilda asked filling the teacup in her hand.
“Looks like they’re headed down towards Daven’s Port,” Esmeralda said, holding out her little porcelain cup to be filled as well.
“I wonder what they need down that way?”
The pyrates discussed from a safe distance in the air as they trailed the barkeep and her companion. The wind was picking up, making the small rowboat dance in the sky. Behind them there was a rocketing boom sound that thundered through the air. The boat took a jerk, as though reacting to a particularly large wave. Liquid spilled out over the lips of the teacups and their owners looked down irritably.
“Rough sky tonight.”
“Aye, tis.”
“Oh, hang on, I think she’s coming our way!”
They peered over the edge of the boat and found that Miranda Smythe was mounting a broom and kicking off the ground. Her taller friend was running off down the little alleyway they had been heading down. Matilda began waving to the pyrate on the broom whose attention was clearly on something beyond them.
“Oi! Randy! Up here!”
The barkeep soared up smoothly to the pair in the rowboat.
“Ahoy Miranda! Lovely night, aye?” Esmeralda said cheerily.
“Lovely night? ‘Ave you looked around? And don’t bloody call me Randy for Merlin’s sake. You want me to start calling you Tilly?” she added directed to Matilda, adjusting her tri-corner hat.
They shrugged.
“Who was that you were with, Miranda?” Esmeralda asked.
“What? Oh. That were my little cousin, father’s side,” Miranda answered distractedly.
"I didn't know ye had any family, Miranda," Matilda called over as she pulled the oar into the boat.
"Aye, they pop in from time to time. I always seem to be smugglin' someone out of London."
"Ah, I know th' feelin'," Esmeralda said as she nodded seriously.
"When have ye ever smuggled someone out o' London?" Matilda gave her an odd look.
"I were bein' sympathetic! I didn't want her to leave th' conversation feelin' under appreciated."
"Ah, cheers then," Matilda said, smiling.
"Cheers." Matilda and Esmeralda toasted their teacups and took a drink.
"And where were ye flyin' off to in such a hurry? I mean to say, do ye want to go back to the Jib and have another drink?" Esmeralda asked.
"Another drink? You’ve been there since October,” Miranda said aghast.
“And? What month is it now?” Esmeralda asked with offense.
“January,” Miranda replied.
“We missed Christmas!” Esmeralda cried.
“No you didn’t! We drank five bottles of Rogue Red Rum and sang carols down to the wharf.”
“I don’t remember that… do you remember that?” Esmeralda asked to her captain companion.
Matilda shrugged.
“Anyhow, there's a war on," Miranda said, as she flipped up her eye patch and cast a glance to the horizon.
Overtop of Diagon Alley the sky was dark. Thick clouds of smoke covered what little light there was from the moon and city glow. Flashes from curses danced on the vapors like lightning. Miranda had seen the Dark Mark burn over Gringott's Bank on her way back to the Flying Jib earlier in the evening. It still appeared, faded and washed into the background. But its implications were strong.
Wizarding Britain had reached open war. There was no going back now.
"OooOh! I love a war! Reminds me of birthday parties, what with all the explosions and all," Matilda called.
"Oh me too!" Esmeralda energetically agreed.
"Who's winning? Good or Evil? And which side are we on?" Matilda asked, looking at a burst of green over Knockturn Alley.
"Erm, we're on the good side this time round," Miranda said with a shrug.
"Oh, how novel!" Esmeralda was overjoyed.
"I'd rather like a go on the good side for once," Matilda said with a nod.
"Not sure who's winning at the present. But I guess we'll soon find out." Miranda made a motion to head toward the battle, but was stopped by Matilda's hand.
"Aye, but should we get the ship first?"
"The ship?" Esmeralda looked confused.
"Yer ship."
"My ship?”
“Well, we can’t take mine on account that I marooned my whole crew.”
“What did yeh do that fer?” Miranda asked, shocked.
“Fer conspiracy ta mutiny. They were havin’ a lot of secret meetin’s down below decks,” Matilda started to explain.
“Only turns out they were plannin’ a surprise birthday party fer her,” Esmeralda interjected.
“Aye. I felt a bit guilty when I found the party hats,” Matilda said sadly.
“Ah well. Mine’s in order I’m sure. Recall where we left it?"
"In that dodgy port, near Miranda's."
"Hey! It's not dodgy...well, yes I suppose it is a bit." Miranda tried to be offended, but in the end, it was true. Chicanery Port really was rather dodgy. But if you're going to be a pyrate smuggler, dodgy is the way to go.
"Right, hop in?" Esmeralda made a motion to the empty bench within the boat.
"Oh no, I don't think so. I get sea sick." Miranda shook her head.
"Oh, yes."
"Indeed."
Miranda followed the other pyrates as they rowed over the rooftops. The pair was very good at being able to row in sync while drinking intermitidly between strokes. Before long they were back over the crooked little cobblestone street that the Flying Jib resided on. Down the road from the bar a dingy looking wharf started to crawl around the edges of the road. There were some sort of Muggle deterring charms on it, but to Miranda, Esmeralda and Matilda it unfolded in all of its sad little glory. Miranda was actually quite proud of it.
Matilda and Esmeralda brought the rowboat parallel with the main dock and followed along it searching for their ship. The dock sank in a few places and was missing planks here and there, but it had a surprising number of vessels attached. A few shady characters were lingering around, leaning on posts or smoking in dim lantern light. At the end of the line, Esmeralda spied her lovely little brigantine.
She was a two-masted brig with four black square-rigged sails on the foremast and three above the large black and white striped mainsail. There were slightly tattered and rather dirty. It had one white jib out in front of the forestay sail. Under the bowsprit was a faded looking merman as a figurehead. The flag hung limply on the main topmast so the three pyrates could not see Esmeralda’s symbol, however, etched on the side in flaking golden paint was its name, The Libertalia Knave.
"Looks a bit off kilter, eh?" Esmeralda said, squinting her eyes along the main deck.
"I wonder if the crew is still alive," Matilda wondered out loud.
Esmeralda brought her oar in and Matilda did the same. The captain tapped the boat with her wand and forced it down along side of the ship.
"I say! Is anyone aboard?" She called as she jumped over the rail.
Matilda tied the rowboat off and climbed onto the main deck along side of Esmeralda.
If crickets resided on ships they probably would have been chirping. If tumbleweed grew on ports it probably would have blew by. Captain Esmeralda's ship seemed to be deserted, and covered in a rather thick layer of dust. And snow.
"It's a bit abandoned, isn't it?" Matilda said.
"A bit? It's destitute," Miranda said loudly.
"Don't use words like that. They're ugly," Esmeralda said, appalled.
"It is ugly," Miranda said under her breath.
"Hush! Don't say such things! Or we'll hang you from the yardarm!" Esmeralda said with a shake of a fist.
"There is no yardarm," Miranda pointed out.
"I'll make one," Esmeralda threatened in a cold tone.
Miranda narrowed her one visible eye. Esmeralda's hand was on her dark looking dagger. Matilda plainly ignored them and drew her Elderwood wand and walked away.
"Detergent? No... Soapify!... No...dater...deta...damn...oh!...Detergeo!" Matilda cast some sort of spell over the small section of deck she was standing on. Immediately the dirty slushy snow removed itself. To reveal dirty dry wood planks.
Esmeralda turned her head. "Brilliant!" Instead of drawling her wand against the bar owner, who was still floating above the ship on her broom, she drew it and started the cleansing of the main deck. "Detergeo Maximus!"
Miranda debated about pulling out her thick black wand, made of African wenge and aiding the other pyrates with clearing a path to the captain's quarters, but decided instead to fly around the ship, checking for other crewmembers.
Just as Esmeralda was vanishing a snowdrift along one of the rails, Miranda discovered a snow-covered body high up in the crow's nest. She prodded it with her wand.
"Oi! Ye alive?"
There was a sharp inhale of air and the scruffy figure jolted into a sitting position, knocking puffs of snow and ice down to the decks, where Esmeralda and Matilda had just cleaned.
There was cursing from below.
Miranda returned her attention to the lookout at the top of the mast. The figure that had sat up was a scraggly looking woman with airy brown hair that was all a mess. She blinked her large brown eyes a few times before really noticing Miranda.
"What?"
"Erm, Captain wants to see yeh."
"What?" A large dopey grin started making its appearance on her face.
"The Captain is below."
The girl continued to smile and then asked vaguely, "What be the day?"
"The thirteenth."
She blinked a few times and said, "Naw-huh...Of December?"
"January."
"Egawds! I've overslept! Cap'n's back yeh say?" The girl began unfolding herself and trying to stand.
From higher in the topmast a small monkey climbed down and positioned itself on the girl’s shoulder. It was holding a little telescope in its paws. It squeaked at the girl and pointed around wildly. The girl just smiled at it and patted it on the head. She had on a ragged tan tunic with an old brown leather topcoat pulled over. Around her neck was a maroon scarf, tied with a thick knot. At her waist was thick belt that was holding up a set of blue trousers that could have used a good stitching spell. In one of her hands was what looked like a tanning shield. She was barefoot. Miranda wondered how she could stand being in the snow as she was.
"Aye, she's on the main deck."
The young woman jumped over the side of the crow's nest and clambered through the rigging down to deck. Miranda darted around the mast a few times, spiraling her way down. When she reached the newly cleaned off planks of the deck she hovered over top for a moment. Slowly she got off of her broom, stepping lighting incase the floor were to give way.
Esmeralda and Matilda had come over to quiz the girl.
"Kay Dog!"
"Aye Cap'n!"
"Be ye th' only one on watch?"
"Aye Cap'n!"
"Where be th' rest o' th' crew?"
"..."
"Well?"
"Erm...I think some o' them deserted...but thar be more 'round here... below decks...erm...a few in the local pubs too, Cap'n."
"Well! Don't just stand thar! Go, ring the bell! I want a full accountin'!"
"Aye aye, Cap'n!" Kay Dog flashed a sloppy salute and ran off to the steps leading to the sterncastle.
In a moment, metal clanging rang through the ship while Kay Dog yelled miscellaneous calls. After a few minutes of this, a crowd of mangled and weird characters poured out of the hatch. They were the sorriest looking crew Miranda had seen. Esmeralda looked as if she were trying to remember who they all were. Matilda, meanwhile was drinking heavily from her hipflask.
"Fall in! Fall in yeh damn scaverness dogs!"
The crew scrabbled and managed to muster into some sort of line along the deck without hurting anyone too badly. Esmeralda still had out her wand/blade, she held it behind her back, clasped with both gloved hands. She walked up and down the pitiful line with a stern expression on her face.
"Right! Ye three run portside and search for yer missin’ numbers. Find me all my crew. The rest o' yeh get to work gettin’ this ship ready. Renew the flyin' charms. Hex all of the cannonballs! Get those sails mended and unfurled. Raise the colors! We're airborne at dawn! The Libertalia Knave be goin' to war!"
There was a dead silent pause as the crew stared at her uncomprehending. Then, just as suddenly as they appeared, the crew darted off in different directions, cheering and whooping, waving random weaponry high in the air.
***
The Libertalia Knave was sailing somewhat smoothly through the clouds above the London sky unnoticed by the Muggles below. Captain Esmeralda stood near the helm while an athletic looking woman with pixie cut brown hair turned the wheel. Captain Matilda was sitting on the railing behind looking down through the holes in the clouds that popped up every now and then. Miranda was clutching her broom and sitting on the stairs that led down to the main deck. The crew was busying themselves about the ship, readying weapons, tying ropes and whatnot.
They were drawing near to where the battle had progressed in Wizarding London.
“Oi! There’s something going on just below us,” Matilda called to Esmeralda.
The captain turned around, hitting the helmswoman with her feathery hat, and leaned over the rail to see what Matilda was pointing at.
"Do you see that?" Matilda asked.
"What?"
"Looks like a fight," Matilda said, referring to the collection of people below.
"Oh excellent! Let's go down!" Esmeralda said excitedly.
"Miranda, care to join us?" Matilda asked.
"Mm, well, watching a good fight is always fun...but we should be getting to the war..."
"Aye, but look. Whoever it is, they be fightin' those Death Diners..." Esmeralda said, looking though the telescope she’d taken from Kay Dog’s little monkey friend.
"Death Eaters?" Miranda corrected.
"Aye, them."
"Well in that case, we ought to go help." Miranda jumped to her feet.
"To the rowboat! Leash, just circle around a bit until we return!" Esmeralda yelled to the helmswoman.
Esmeralda and Matilda bounded over the side of the ship and into their little boat tied to the rails. Miranda, however, refused to join them. She instead dug out her broom and whisked off of the deck and pulled up along side of them. Matilda undid the fasteners while Esmeralda activated the boat's charms.
Soon they were all headed toward the ground where a battle was progressing. Below them, a figure clad in rather spiffy gear was surrounded by a circle of Voldemort's supporters. They all had their wands drawn and pointed at the figure, who, as they got closer, appeared to be a woman.
She had her dark hair pulled back in a tight pony-tail. The tail itself was made of very curly spirals that swung from side to side as she delivered her attacks. She was wearing a black plastic looking cape that had a high collar and clasped on the side of her neck with some large shiny pin. Underneath, she was wearing pants of the same vinyl black material. It flashed in the very futuristic-cyber-world style under the dim street lamps.
Miranda heard Matilda mumble, "OooOoh...shiny..." as they came within fifteen feet of the brawl.
The woman was holding a wand, as well as some sort of long thin sword. A few of the bodies lying on the ground were sporting daggers through random points in their heads. Esmeralda noticed that the woman had several more tucked away on her black gauntlets and along her knee-high black boots. Miranda caught sight of a white t-shirt under the cape that was sporting the words "Bitch Witch" on them.
"Oh, I like her already!" Miranda called over the battle noise.
"I as well! Did ye see her tattoo? On her bicep... 'I heart WAR.' Excellent!" Matilda said loudly.
“Are those Chimera hide? I need to find me some of that,” Esmeralda declared.
By then, a few of the Death Eaters had noticed the group of pyrates descending. A few took off, while the others tried to move in for the kill.
"I say, do you require some assistance?" Esmeralda called down.
"Garr, what the hell are ye sayin’?" Matilda chastised her.
"Oh, right. Ahoy! Wench, can we join in th’ fight?" Esmeralda amended.
"WTF?" said the woman, darting her eyes up at the pyrates as she decked one of the Death Eaters in his jaw.
"Oh, yes, I love a good brawl," Matilda added.
"I could use a few Death Eater masks for my wall," mused Miranda.
The burly witch cast a momentary glance their way and then proceeded to break three Death Eaters’ necks, stab a fourth and hex a fifth so bad the pyrates doubted he could still be considered human.
She cracked her neck and slid various weapons back in to holsters and clasps. The pyrates remained airborne, watching her back, and sipping their drinks. Miranda coughed.
"By thunder, Witch, that was a good show!" Esmeralda called down.
The witch turned slowly, at some point a cigarette had appeared in her mouth and sunglasses over her eyes.
"Who the hell awe ya?"
Esmeralda sat up somewhat straighter and gestured to Matilda.
"This be Captain Matilda, the craziest pyrate smuggler to come out of Maddie-gasker. On my left be the owner and proprietor of the best damn pyrate bar north o' the equator, Miranda Smythe. And I, I be Captain Esmeralda Corsair of the Libertalia Knave, which happens to be circling just over head." Esmeralda concluded the introductions and brought the rowboat down to ground level. She and Matilda stayed inside, while Miranda landed and stepped off her broom.
The witch regarded them suspiciously.
"And pray, what name do ye go by?"
"War Mage Slay-Pe," she said, her voice having some sort of thick American accent.
"OooOoh, a war mage? My, all sorts of folks start coming out of the woodwork during wartime, don't they?"
"I see, so yer not really a witch then?" Matilda asked, eyeing her shirt.
"Half-witch. Half-elf. All mage, sweethawt."
"She looks a little tall for half house elf..." Esmeralda said under her breath to Miranda.
"No, you fuck wit. Elf, ya know, the eldah? "
"Awe! I knew it! It was the pointy ears. Dead give away." Matilda smiled triumphantly.
"Is Slappy an Elvish name then?" Miranda asked.
"It's Slay-Pe and naw, not really. War mage name. My real name is Renwë Eärfalas."
"Oh, that's much more Elvish," Matilda nodded.
"Oh, I agree," Miranda agreed.
"Quite," added Esmeralda.
"But I prefer to go by Slay-Pe."
"Right. Slappy, then. Would you care for some tea?" Esmeralda inquired, holding up a small decorative teapot.
Matilda gestured to the open seat in the rowboat. The mage looked around for a moment, glancing back and forth between the heavy sounds of war in the background and the band of mismatched pyrates who were smiling up at her expectantly.
"Yeah, alright."
Slay-Pe climbed inside of the rowboat and sat down graciously. She tossed her cloak out from under her, letting it billow in the winter wind. Matilda handed her a saucer and teacup painted with little blue flowers. The mage gripped it harshly, chinking her rock awesome gauntlets against the china. She watched the pyrates keenly, as they all took deep gulps from their cups. The war mage decided it wouldn't be dangerous to follow suit. Her cup had come from the same teapot, so obviously it wasn't poisoned.
She took a sip.
And then she proceeded to spit the liquid out violently on to the feet of Esmeralda and Matilda, who looked down, upset.
"This isn't tea! This is rum!"
"Yes, well, we're out of tea," said Esmeralda, sniffing slightly.
"And we are pyrates," Miranda pointed out.
"And you just wasted a good mouthful of expensive rum," Matilda said, horrified.
"Cheap rum," Esmeralda corrected.
"Cheap rum," Matilda conceded.
The three took a few more drinks from their teacups and smiled at the war mage with precious metal capped grins.
Slay-Pe shook her head and downed the rum. She would need a drink to continue carousing with this group.
***
It wasn’t long after that that they were soaring over the clouds above London toward the heat of battle in Captain Esmeralda’s ship. Slay-Pe was standing near the bow watching the ship cut through the sky and looking below. Captain Esmeralda was again near the helm commanding her crew of rag-tag pyrates. Captain Matilda had gone below to offer some direction to the crew who had the unpleasant task of maintaining the flying charms as they went, a job that one could only do for an hour or two before having to be replaced. Miranda was doing what she did best, preparing a variety of drinks for the crew to help give them an edge in the ensuing battle.
Miranda handed a tankard to Esmeralda and the helmswoman, Leash, and headed off to the bow to give something to the War Mage.
Slay-Pe took the offered warm mead and continued to stare out ahead of the ship. Under her sunglasses, her eyes twitched back and forth, following the curse flashes as they ricocheted through the low clouds. Miranda, unable to think of anything particularly clever to say at the moment started to turn and walk back to the quarterdeck. She was stopped by the feeling of impeding conversation.
“What I don’t understand is why a crew of pyrates, ones who quite clearly enjoy living beyond the laws of the wizarding community, are rushing to the aid of those very law makers?”
“Well,” Miranda started. “True that we tend to ignore many legalities in our daily lives, but we have a right good business goin’. The Captains and their crews nick a few things here and there from the wealthy tradin’ ships who cart potion ingredients, rare magical goods, and exotic plants and herbs used in common spells. I negotiate willin’ customers here in Britain who offer a fair price – one that makes the job lucrative for the pyrates and sees that I live in comfort. The ministries and wizard governments tends to allow the shippin’ trade to deal with us in their own way and only step in when it concerns the welfare of the public. They know the competition is good for economics. Prices stay reasonable on the right side of the law because they know that wizards who want can always find me and the other dealers who will offer the same goods cheaper for a minimum amount of risk. So you see Slay-Pe, a pyrate’s life is rather enjoyable. Now, ye throw old He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named into the mix and well, things tend to get complicated. We don’t really like complications. Ye also have to consider that the crews and henchmen fer our sort have a higher population of squibs than most Wizarding professions, since much o’ th’ job involves labors ye can’t always do with a wand. I mean, in rough weather, I’d rather a crew member ties that sail down with his good strong hands than a spell gone amiss in the wind. Now if all them squibs start getting their throats cut as children when they don’t show any magic ability we’d be up a creek so ta speak. That doesn’t really account fer the loss of our men now either – if this war pans out toward the dark side – we’d be having to hide most our hands and have ta be watching o’er our shoulders a might more than we do now. Plus, how do those shippin’ trades work in th’ hands of th’ dark lord? Thar be far too many questions to be answered, and we like it simple. It ain’t broke, so don’t fix it, I always say.”
“You’re a strange little woman, bartender Smythe.”
“An’ yer very shiny,” Miranda responded, and downed her pint of mead.
Slay-Pe started to say something, but any sensible response was not found readily in her retorts, so instead she drank her mead and looked back out over the sky.
“Anyone else notice that dragon over there?” Slay-Pe asked, sipping her mead and nodding off at something in the distance.
“What? Where?” Miranda jumped up to the rail, flipping her eye patch up.
Just as plain as a flying pyrate ship in the sky over London was a Norwegian Ridgeback flapping its great wings. The beautiful black scales along its body flashed in the night sky something similar to War Mage Slay-Pe’s clothing. Miranda dropped her tankard.
“Dragon…Dragon! DRAGON!!!! STARBOARD! 2 O’clock! DRAAAAAAGOON!” Miranda shrieked so all the crew could hear her.
Captain Esmeralda and Captain Matilda ran to the bow along with several others from the crew. Up in the crows nest the little monkey was jabbering away loudly and pointing, as he’d been doing for several minutes prior to the commotion. Kay Dog smiled up at him sweetly from where she had been sleeping. Finally he gave up and climbed down to join the Captain.
“Good lord! So it is! A dragon!” Captain Esmeralda said as the little monkey jumped on her shoulder, pointing at the flying lizard.
“Oooh… bet those bronze horns would fetch a lovely price down in Tortuga…” Matilda mused under her breath.
“We’re not up here doin’ business, mind ye, we’re at war,” Esmeralda reminded her cohort.
Miranda however, leaned back and flashed a price to Matilda behind the Captain’s back. Both of their eyes gleamed.
“So any chance we could, you know, go over there for a closer look?” Miranda ventured. “I mean, dragon like that, could be working for the other side. Duty and whatnot to stop him…”
“Quite right, barkeep! HARD TO STARBOARD!” Captain Esmeralda bellowed.
The War Mage, meanwhile, had taken a keen position perched on the rail, ready to leap when the time was right. Her blade already drawn. Miranda was sure it was probably called something interesting like Crouching Augurey or Hidden Mackled Malaclaw. It was a bit unsettling how she just sort of melted into the shadow of the sails.
Kay Dog leaned out from the Crow’s Nest and shouted, “Hey Capt’n! There’s somethin’ like, flyin’, over there…”
Esmeralda and the monkey gave each other a knowing look that involved a fair amount of eye rolling.
As the ship drew closer to the dragon, it became apparent that there was a rider atop its ridged back. Many of the hands stood by, looking perplexed, as it was not common for wizards or witches to ride dragons. An act like that usually ended up in a small pile of singed clothing and the distinct smell of burning hair. Esmeralda was giving the rider a closer look through the telescope while Miranda and Matilda discussed the price that Ridgeback venom was going for these days.
“Very strange…”
“What? Who is he?”
“Well, I don’t right know, but he’s got flamin’ ginger hair an’ what looks like a Romanian Dragon Tamer’s robes on. Ye remember that time we stopped in Romania, Matilda?”
Matilda’s eyes got rather misty and she smiled serenely. “Aye… that were a good year. Good Palinka…”
“Good Dragon Tamers too.”
“Aye,” Matilda sighed.
“Aye,” Esmeralda echoed.
“When ye two are done, maybe we ought ta decide what we’re goin’ to do about th’ present situation, bein’ that th’ dragon tamer in question has, in fact, noticed th’ large flyin’ pyrate ship headed directly fer him,” Miranda said curtly, a note of jealousy in her voice.
However, it seemed the decision had been taken out of there hands.
War Mage Slay-Pe was flying gracefully through the air headed directly for the dragon, which had taken a lower path to avoid collision with the ship. Slay-Pe landed on its back directly behind its rider, who’s face was now quite magenta – clashing horrible with his orange hair.
***
“So what you’re trying to tell me is that, you are in fact, on our side?”
“Aye, that be the jist of it,” Matilda responded to the perplexed looking red-head.
“And I’m supposed to believe you?” he said, a queer look in his eyes.
“Well we haven’t killed you yet, have we?” Miranda added.
“No that is true…”
“And we can vouch for the War Mage, I saw her kill 5 Death Eaters earlier,” Esmeralda said cheerfully.
“I saw her kill 4!” Matilda piped in.
“I saw her kill 7… so what? That’s 16 Death Eaters in the last hour alone. Really can’t argue with those numbers.” Mirada looked quite proud of herself.
“Aye,” Esmeralda and Matilda heartily agreed.
War Mage Slay-Pe did not look all that thrilled at getting a vote of confidence from the pyrates.
“Look Chuck-“
“Charlie.”
“-Charlie, there’s a time for running your mouth and a time to shut the fuck up and tell us where the fight is so we can land this fucking over grown row boat and kick some war mongering genocidal skull face wizard ass! Can you guess what time I think it is?” the War Mage said with all the gentleness of a rock.
“Erm?”
“She’s right you know, apart from the row boat thing,” Miranda said, seeing Esmeralda’s expression of horror, “We’re a serious asset and it’s time you lot acknowledge that.”
“We’ve got cannons!” Matilda chirped.
“With hexed cannon balls!” Esmeralda yelled.
“And cursed blades at every hip!” Kay Dog cried into the conversation from the rigging.
“Flintlocks that will make yer insides curl – literally!” Miranda said with a fiendish grin.
“SAILS! LEEWARD AT 10 O’CLOCK!!” came a cry from one of the crew.
All three pyrates jerked their heads up away from Charlie Weasley, the Dragon Tamer, to look at the horizon.
Black sails flying a flag everyone in the Wizarding World was familiar with. The ship belonged to followers of Voldemort. A green skull and snake waved in the wind above the large looming tall ship.
“It’s a Durmstrang ship!”
To Be Continued...
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