Author’s Notes:
This story takes place later the same night that Dumbledore and Snape have their “heated discussion” within Hagrid’s hearing. (HBP, chapter 19)
Many, many thanks to my superlative beta, Mofic!
Artist's Notes:
When we started discussing ideas for Paintbrush and Quill Society, this was one of the first images that popped in my head. The drawing is done like most of mine, on Photoshop CS using a drawing tablet, a few brushes and a bit of time! Thanks to Renee who looked over my shoulder a few times to say, "Eh that color doesn't look right..." :D
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Turn Away
He flung down the sack of asphodel roots he’d been preparing to grind. He’d already given up trying measure the lacewing flies. He couldn’t focus and his hands kept trembling. It was useless. He strode out of the stockroom and locked the door behind him. He walked quickly through the castle’s corridors, his robes billowing out in his wake. With each step, his disgust with himself and his anger towards Dumbledore increased. How dare he assume so much? He still thinks of me as a scared, adolescent schoolboy whom he can order about! Severus knew it was untrue but the thought fueled his anger in a satisfying way.
His inability to figure out precisely what Draco was doing was more than vexing. It was beginning to shake his confidence.
It was fear.
Fear, his old childhood chum, his best mate through school, at least until he brought it to heel. His iron clad self-control and unwavering faith in his intellectual superiority had finally given him mastery over fear. Spurred on by anger he had transfigured his fear into a weapon. A weapon he could wield against those who had mocked and belittled him. Now fear had decided to make a midlife encore and it came as a most unwelcome surprise.
There was only one thing that could calm him now, one thing that could bandage his battered ego and help him regain his resolve and control. He knew where he was going and he knew what Dumbledore would say about it. Well the old man could sod off, he thought viciously.
His pace quickened, he was nearly there now. He was in the most ancient part of the castle. Dating back to the founders’ time, the remnants of the original castle were preserved deep underground and protected by numerous enchantments. The crumbling ruins were also the entrance to the catacombs. Little did most Hogwarts students realize that, as they walked the castle’s hallowed halls, they were also treading over the final resting place of every prior headmaster.
Severus picked his way through the maze of reliquaries and bones. There was only one relic he wanted to see tonight-The Mirror of Erised.
He ducked his head and entered the dusty chamber. Snape stood still for a moment before reverently lowering his head and slowly approaching the mirror. Finally, he lifted his black eyes to gaze at the image within.
Lily. His Lily. Lily, who had once laughed at his sarcastic quips and admired his intellect. Lily, whose eyes shone at him with admiration, kindness and something else he was at a loss to define. She was even lovelier than he remembered her, burnished hair curling in damp tendrils from the steam off her cauldron, her green eyes blazing against her pale and luminous skin. It was Lily as she was before she fell under James Potter’s spell, before Dumbledore had practically betrothed her to Potter by naming him head boy, before that day by the lake, before Snape had ruined everything by calling her a mudblood.
A choking sob escaped Snape’s thin lips and he dropped to his knees in front of the mirror, tears silently coursing down his cheeks. Lily smiled at him tenderly but when he reached for her all he felt was the cold and unyielding glass.
Dumbledore saw his opportunity and slipped silently out of the chamber, undetected. His covert observation was regrettable but, alas, quite necessary. Severus was such an accomplished occlumens it was the only way to know for certain where his loyalties lay. There was simply too much hanging in the balance. Still, no need to intrude on Severus’s grief. At least he knew now that things would continue as planned.
Snape stood resolutely in front of the mirror, his composure regained. He would do what Dumbledore asked, not out of loyalty to Dumbledore or his ridiculous Order. Not for glory or even for the greater good of the Wizarding world. He would do it so that when his day came to go beyond the veil he would be able to look into her green eyes and finally see redemption there. Snape turned away from the mirror and strode out of the room.
Finis
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